Never could understand the need for a title for somethings until I no longer had a "thing" needing a title!! Yeah confusing huh??? Well I had this girlfriend, well female friend, well woman friend...uummmm well let's put it like this, she was a woman and a friend and the feelings I felt for her were much more than any friend I have now, will ever have or had at that time! See I wanted to lay claim on another human being, which isn't exactly possible, I mean since slavery was abolished right? It's easy to claim a family member as being your family, a friend as being your friend, but a relationship beyond friend but less than married, or even boy/girlfriend. Isn't so easy, but hell who says it has to be called anything but what it is friends. I mean yeah this woman I was seeing at the tender age of 29 or 30 was more than any friend I'd ever had before, however it wasn't a need for any title at all, I mean we talked just about every waking hour our phones were connected to one another, thank the lord for bluetooth! But I wanted more, I wanted DEMANDED to hear her say those words, I wanted to have property in the form of another human being...lol. But it wouldn't have made her more special nor me, it wouldn't have made her love me any more or less. I mean this woman was special to me even though we had no title what so ever. She explained this to me often I mean at twenty years my senior she had lived loved and learned much more than I had, she said "just let it be" but I didn't listen...
Today she remains close to my heart, someone that loves me no matter what I do or have done, and someone that would come to my aide if I ever needed her. However I have moved on, yet find myself backwards. With someone that always wants to make sure I know that my title is friend and "FRIEND ONLY". I mean it's like the saddest thing ever, I love her no less, I adore her maybe more, I spend lots of time with her, I give her time that no one else receives, we do things that are maybe a little more than I'd like her to do with her other random friends. I just don't get the need for constant reminding of the "friend" title, I mean I ask for nothing more or her except to keep her plans with me, or to be respectful of a few things, I just think it's so odd to always want to downgrade everything as if I can someone how forget that I am "JUST A FRIEND!" I mean a times I wonder if maybe I should never see her again, or maybe my friendship isn't needed because I'm constantly being told over and over again that am just a friend. I wonder is this a thing she does with all her friends, it's kinda creepy. I mean besides I'm happy with what I have, I say it often, yet it seems to fall onto deaf ears, or maybe someone who really doesn't want me around. The more and more it's said the more and more I get the feeling that I am not wanted around, or that I am stood up often because I am not that important. I have no idea what it may be all I do know is that I wish she would just "LET IT BE!" Before it's gone....
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