Still so ignorant our Black society is Mr. James Baldwin..oh so so so sad sad sad sad sad our people our people have learned nothing....

"he wanted black people to see what black people did to black people;White man couldn't touch us if we'd just learn to love each other!"

James A. Baldwin

Thank You @Majikmind

@R_E_A_L_1 Mans inhumanity to man...It's a universal beef! Be the change you wish to see in the world..that's all you can do.

Earlier this week on twitter I ran into something that was a bit interesting to me as always I find on social networks that people aren't concerned with much more than 80% fuckery. However in that other 20% you can find out if someone is real or not and I found out quite a lot about a few people I had started following because of my ex. I was often wondering why my ex would log off of twitter pissed off, confused & upset after following two of her people I quickly figured that shit out. A man who calls himself Tazz Daddy on twitter also known as Tazz Anderson on facebook whom considers himself some kind of a "provocative and entertaining" radio host or tv director whatever!! While many people on twitter were mourning the death of Brittney Murphy by simply posting #RIP or just stating their favorite movies in which she stared in. Murphy only 32 died unexpectedly in her home on Sunday December 20th 2009. Tazz Daddy posts this comment on his twitter page; TazzDaddy

While you coons and buffoons mourn Brittany Murphy, I'm mourning Sean Bell & others like him who truly deserve attention

Back in November 25th of 2006 Sean Bell a 23 year old man out celebrating his batchlor party and was set to be wed. Sean was shot and killed in a hail of 50 shots fired by five or so police officers in NYC. However this case has so many other difficult issues, there is drinking involved, an altercation at the bar between Bell's friends and some others, there were also plain clothed officers that over heard talk of a gun. There is no denying that the police officers across the country probably always target minorities for crimes. However you look at your community and tell me what you see? Drive around my suburban community and see what I see every day and than you tell me what you would think afterwards this blog in not addressing that at this time.

Tazz later goes on to comment on how "Black people don't even know what's going on in their own communities!" This to me is amazing someone with a website, a twitter page, a facebook account and probably even a myspace account as well. You have all the places in the world to inform "THE BLACK COMMUNITY" about what is going on. However an actress dying December 20th 2009 and a young Black male being murdered by police officers in NYC back in November of 2006 aren't really relevant issues better yet aren't reasons to label anyone a "COON" or a "BUFFOON" which Tazz Daddy claims he was not directing towards "BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE HE LOVES HIS PEOPLE." Clearly I have often been confronted with the self hatred that Blacks have for one another, clearly I see that even I have written about those who want to be known as "NIGGERS" instead of Black people. However when is it that people are going to realize that being BLACK isn't just ALL we should be concerned about we are people first, we are people that should have compassion for one another Black, White or other. When I tweeted a response to Mr. Tazz Daddy to use his platform to stand on and teach those who don't know or didn't know of things taking place within the Black community, Tazz replies that I do not know what type of platform he has and he quickly directs me to unfollow him on twitter which I didn't need to be told I had already done so. Along with this conversation with Tazz Daddy a almost forty year old woman, mother to three children whom had nothing to do with the situation began tweeting to me. She was rude, crude, uneducated and clearly had no idea what the hell she was speaking of but this made me think of the sadness of our "BLACK COMMUNITY." I mean here is a woman almost forty arguing being what I continued to call disrespectful yet, she had a children, a home and other things to attend to. This would not be so sad if this woman had not just had previous "twitter arguments" with other individuals that actually turned into calls, threats of violence an even more. This is the structure in which we our building our community? I mean mothers almost forty with children in grade school, dropping out of college among other situations having twitter wars with one another? Tazz Daddy directed a very negative, nasty comment at people who were just clearly being decent human beings. The real "coons and buffoons" are those who argue on twitter, who dog out their own people for NOT being racist or hateful against White people, who call tweet disrespectful things about a woman who just died because of the types of roles she has played as Tazz had also done. When our Blacks going to open their eyes and see that the ones to be angry with are those that aren't growing up, those that aren't educated enough to see that WE as a people need more help than hurt from one another. The main thing that always keeps me laughing that is before twitter I've NEVER HEARD OF THESE PEOPLE, and I doubt that much further beyond twitter will I hear more of them ever again. Yes twitter is for entertainment, however remembering to be human, decent and respectful should always be at the front of our minds.

Now by all meaning of the word Buffoon Tazz Daddy appears to be the only person whom actually seems to fit into the definition of this word. Continue to shuck and jive for the man maybe one day calling your people names may even get you to where you want to be......By the way this is the definition of the word Buffoon; buf·foon (b-fn)

n.

1. A clown; a jester: a court buffoon.

2. A person given to clowning and joking.

3. A ludicrous or bumbling person; a fool.

Sick of BS REAL comes to life!

What I really can't stand are people that are FUCKING MEAN!!! I'm talking people who are fucking mean like just fucking un-HUMANLY mean...people who have no right to be mean. It's always the person that NEVER has their shit together that's always judgemental, ignorant and usually DEAD WRONG! People that make other's cry, or second think themselves but yet are horrible examples of what a good, deceit person's life should look like. Even if you've got your shit together who makes you judge over anyone, however where are these people that actually do have their lives together? .......I'll wait for you to think of someone.......still waiting.......okay I give up cause you know this person does NOT exist. These people walk over people as if they've got all the friends in life that they'll ever need, speak of the Lord yet don't read the bible, or only quote the "popular" verses of the bible. These people think that they've invented life an no one has the right to live among them without their approval. I'm just so sick of these people that are of and from the world that know nothing about love, the roots or definition of love for someone else..as we're told to love one another! Why or Why Lord can't I find anyone like ME???? Someone who has fears and can honestly TALK about them, someone that would rather laugh than cry, someone that loves children, someone the reads books about philosophy, someone that's always trying to make themselves better, someone that doesn't think it's crazy to be kind, someone that understands that I love toys and collect them as if there pieces of rare art work, some that wants to cuddle yet doesn't force you to when you don't want to, someone that loves beautiful things like the out doors, trees, grass, lakes or rivers, someone that has compassion, someone that writes well, someone that has a working vocabulary but doesn't mind to talk like a ghetto head just for the entertainment, someone that doesn't get mad because I talk a lot and often converse with strangers, someone that doesn't mind living in a quite place with, someone that is just REAL at every waking moment and doesn't think that being real means being mean to someone......uughhhhh I'm drained and I know that I'll live my life alone and I'm willing to accept that. That is at their loss.........thank those assholes that ruined things.
My biggest big big big one are people that are ugly inside as well as out who have nasty attitudes as if they could have their pick of anyone out there. I mean do these people not look into a mirror with working eyes? These people usually talk about others, dress in expensive clothing however don't dress well, usually gossip, are party heads, usually claim to have so many friends but don't really have a true friend who'd wipe their ass if they no longer could. Uughhh I'm even to pissed off to continue this one......to be finished at another time........

Back to my cave......

When it's time to roll out and fold up, you have to just know when the right time is....and now RIGHT now in my life the time has come. I need to get back to me to my roots, to cater to my soul. For so long, woman have been the root of my desire and the root of much of my trouble or pain. We all need at times to refocus ourselves, anytime things start to be UN-happy for you....than time has come to fold it up!!

I have been in probably to many relationships, my mom once told me something like that. I have NEVER had a problem meeting people, having people like me or want me in any way shape or form. Whether it be when I was dreadfully dealing with males and thinking something was wrong with me because I was not thrilled or happy or even feeling like myself when I was dealing with a male. However I had no shortages of them, nor was I ever alone when I didn't want to be alone, never have I been sitting some where figuring out who to call when I was in need of company. The same has always been true for dealing with females. At times I have wanted to be without their attention. Nor can I remember ever crushing on anyone especially outside of elementary or high school. SO I am sure that anyone that reads my thoughts on a regular can understand that I am treading in an area in which I have no idea what I am doing. It has been a crazy few days but I am back on track again.

I am going to go back to the love of my life and stay there. I am sick of feeling the feelings I do, I need to work on having concerns for people or things that have no need taking up my time. Feelings that I wish I could just rip outta my brain have been like in the forefront of my mind an I'm truly tiring from this shit.

No one cares for the person inside of me BUT me...I often imagine what people would think, feel or say about me while I'm on my back in that coffin. And I've always thought that I would be missed or remembered for my loving, caring heart soul .......BULLSHIT!!! People rarely remember the nice ones....in life we're known to finish last so wondering how the hell the nice guy can actually come out on top....doesn't seem possible. Time to go back to my cave to regroup to recover to remind me of the true love in my life...GOD! I need to take so much time to give thanks than place my tears in the hand of the master. At least I know that my pain in going into the hands of the one that really cares about the nice guy for a change.

It called Crush because that's what happens to your heart...

We've all been there one time or another, some maybe more than others...it's called a crush. I mean throughout the centuries someone has adored someone else. I mean hell how do relationships start, these are the things that marriages are built on, babies on born as a result of, this is what makes life go round. Right? WRONG!!! Crushes are the worst feelings of all to have, there bullshit! I mean come on does the word even sound appealing to you? Crush, Cr-ush....I mean it doesn't even roll off the tongue as a remotely happy sounding word, so how the hell can this be a good thing? Well that's cause it isn't! It's the worst thing to be going through if you're the one with the crush on someone else!! I mean come on your full of some okay feelings I mean yeah their half assed good feelings...like fluttering in your chest, weakening in your knees, glee in your heart, maybe even elation at the thought of this someone. But really unless your the crush-ee not the crush-er your not on the good end. I mean the odds are stacked totally against you. The people who know that your feeling them are at the greatest advantage and trust me their going to let you feel it and know it every step of the way. Webster's defines crush in five different ways none of them sounding to me as "happy" or good things;
1 a : to squeeze or force by pressure so as to alter or destroy structure b : to squeeze together into a mass
2 : hug , embrace
3 : to reduce to particles by pounding or grinding
4 a : to suppress or overwhelm as if by pressure or weight b : to oppress or burden grievously c : to subdue completely
5 : crowd , push

Now with the exception of #2 many of these don't sound to great. You know why? Well I'm going to tell you these are usually the things that happen to your heart when you have a crush on someone. Come on, seriously now a days and even in the past people don't have a "crush" on someone than end up with that person. That's some complete and utter bullshit! People pick someone for their ass, or how much money they have, how pretty their face is, how sexy their body may be, or maybe what their position in life may be. Than they ask them out, and date them than maybe even than they don't click or even like the person. However for what ever superficial reason they still may give it another shot, than they may eventually develop feelings for the person or they're a complete asshole and they move onto the next victim.
When you've got a crush on someone your coming to them vulnerable with your hat in your hand asking them to consider you because you've already started feeling for them. Now a crush that's worth any bit of the title would be a situation where the crush-er not only likes what they've seen but some other aspect of the person's personality. Because if it were purely based on looks or appearances it's than entitled "infatuation" not CRUSH. You're even more likely to be luckier if your infatuated with someone than if you've got an old fashioned crush. You're looked at as weird or freaky when you've got a crush and you actually tell the person NNOOOOOO!! That's the worst thing you could ever do, people never understand why you'd like them and than you've left yourself with not only a crushed heart but their entire ass to kiss if you ever try to remain their friend. You'll forever be that creepy loser that likes me, every time you call or come around. Love, relationships are cruel things, they all eventually bring you to your knees maybe what God truly intended which is why there the way they are.
Blessed are those that stand alone for they aren't truly alone but have God beside them....maybe I should get my head outta my ass and get on my knees where I belong!!!

Not as good as I used to be.......

Look At Me

Here I am, no where near you further away than I care to be,

more than anything I desire to be seen by only you.

I try to place myself in your life with hope of becoming a fixture,

more than anything ever I want for you to look at me.

Awaking in the night with dreams of you fresh on my mind,

they plague me even preoccupying my waking time.

The thoughts of you and the pain you've been through,

push me to the point of showing you, you're a rare find.

Within me there are wonders of all kinds, a golden heart,

a sweet smile, a kind soul, a lovable personality.

A future filled with happiness, dedication, tenderness and romance.

Unclaimed these things remain cause you won't even look at me.

....Used to be a writer....

I remember when I was younger I loved writing, I would sell reports to kids at my high school for only ten bucks a piece. They never got anything lower than a B, or B- if that low. Well now a days they don't even use grades any more or that is at least what my daughter's fourth grade teacher is telling me. Grades have been replaced now with things like proficient, and need improvement some jazz like that. So much has changed, as life rolls onward. Any way I used to make up and write short stories and fantasy stories about all kinds of things. But my favorite was poetry, I hated to read it but loved to write it, once a teacher of mine entered one of my poems in some local news papers writing contest. She had told me only after she had done so, she also told me that I had won the contest, I was young and really honestly didn't care much for this English teacher. Her words went in one ear and quickly out the other. It was years before I ever really cared about what she had said. So much time had passed and my life had been filled with so many disappointments and failures, that this information had become important to me. Something I had also done was written a poem that was published in a book of poems, this too was something I didn't even care about until later in life. Sometimes I sit with pen in hand or fingers over the keyboard and try so hard to write poems, poems like the ones I had written that people thought were so beautiful. I guess at the time I was just letting out some of the emotions I had never expressed as a child, for me it was nothing but for others they were a source of beauty or enjoyment. Now I wish I could look at some of those works to use them to reflect on what was going on at the time, or to even show my own child. It's just the same for my drawing, I'd draw such funny things yet never kept a collection for myself, even now I usually mail them off inside of letters to my best friend Kenny in Federal prison or my soldier that I adopted. I feel like they would give them greater joy because of the places in which they have to deal with at this time in their lives. My older sister Nicole helped make a book to place my drawings in, we used about half a ream of paper and we took it to Kinko's where she used to work and they placed two cardboard covers on it, than bound it with this spiral thing to make it into a large sketch book like. Even with that I barley draw in it, I usually opt for a single piece of paper and pencil, than later mail it off.

I want to be able to go back to writing for pleasure, or even drawing to collect for myself. Maybe paint myself of picture and hang it up for others to see, admire the fact that I do have a God given talent besides being a person that just gives gives gives and takes care of others. I would love to be known for much more than just that. I want people to see the beauty that I see inside my head when I put wonderful words together, but they just don't seem to come out right. The thoughts just don't translate to words, paper or screens the way they do in my head. Somethings just not clicking the way it should! I mean writing is my first love, I broke my cherry at like nine years old with a type writer, an a little story named "Pickled Pink". It brings laughter to my heart just thinking about that little twenty five or thirty paged story in which I put together in my mind, it just flowed out my finger tips like life water flowing from a water fall. Where is that desire, passion, drive, skill and beauty that I used to possess?

Fuck Feelings......Secret life of ME!!

You know if you've ever seen the movie the Secret Life of Bees you would know the characters by now pretty well and if you've never seen it what the fuck can I say GO SEE IT!!! Any way Sophie Okonedo plays the sister to Queen Latifah and Alicia Keys who are playing the roles of the Boatwright sisters. They are also known as the woman who make the best honey is this little town. Now Sophie Okonedo plays May Boatwright the very special and very sensitive younger sister. In this film she is known as the emotional sister that cries because she feels the pain of everyone that she comes in contact with or hears has had a sad or tragic incident take place in their lives. The Boatwright sister's June and August created a wall of rocks in which their sister May would go to with tiny slips of paper and write down on them whatever made her sad. Any way for those that were able to see the movie know what happens to May in the film, no I have not been thinking of doing that to myself, but I feel like May each and every day of my life. May Boatwright made me feel like I was watching myself in full right in front of my own eyes. I try so so hard to become some cold hearted person and ignore what I see here and feel all around me, but it doesn't work. I don't want to cry for the children that were born to parents that don't want them, but if I had the money or the home huge enough to house them all I would take them into my home. I don't wanna like people that are in need of a friend, they don't always turn out to be the very best people for me. I don't want to care for the cat that was found ducked taped from head to paw but I did....I don't walk through a cemetery I mourn for those lives that were lost especially when they were very young....I don't want to watch the news and hear about the child beaten to death by her father and step mother. For all these stories I shed tears I feel pain I feel anger and remorse.

I meet people that I may have never been able to meet often, many people seem to take befriending strangers as a game of sorts, however I care when I shouldn't I like when I'm not liked, I love hard, when I am just a temporary object of entertainment for someone just passing the time while at work or on the bus, or in a classroom or board at home. I feel when others are able to use me as a source of laughter, or momentary thrills. For this I say fuck love, fuck it hard and long without any tenderness or care. Fuck love for everyone who's heart flutters when someone enters a room, fuck love for everyone that breaths a deep breath when their phone rings and it's that person, fuck love for everyone that's ran over the cellphone minutes talking for hours on end to someone they swear they'd spend the rest of their life with, fuck love for everyone who's hairs stand on end at the smell of their sweet perfume, fuck love fuck love fuck love fuck love fuck love fuck it and damn it to HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......We got so close yet we're so far away

Okay so it's like this in life we may see someone in passing and think oh there goes a pretty person...all along wondering if they're as pretty inside as they are outside. We may never get to know those answers. However in the modern world we've set up situations for ourselves where we meet random strangers on purpose and end up getting intimately entangled in their deepest thoughts...I mean may it be via 140 characters or less, or a tagline via AIM, yahoo or live. We may have 3 blocks separating us or 3000 miles, but via that PDA, cellphone, handheld, PC or mac they've become as close to us as the skin on the palms of our hands. The words reaching us as fast as sight, their emotions touching us right where we sit....their they are with us, as if their breathing the same air in the same room, looking at the same view and feeling the same temperatures. Their right there. With more ease than it takes to go speak to my neighbor I can speak to someone in a neighboring state. This technology has made communication with anyone at anytime a breeze. But it hasn't made anyone a better person at communication, or at making friends or making relationships. See we seem to think that now since the unemployed freelance writer can become friends with the most powerful CEO of a publishing company via the net. That doesn't mean that the net can change people and make them something their not. We all long for some type of human connection if not myspace, facebook, twitter and many other networks like it wouldn't be so popular. Yet we're all yearning for these connections yet we're not learning how to be a good connector. We meet people from all walks or life, we share our thoughts our feelings and what we are doing, yet we haven't learned to treat one another better. We meet people from all walks or life and everyone has a story to tell, yet we think our story is more tragic or more important than the nexts so we lack compassion. We share our wants, desires and sometimes even pictures or our families. Sometimes through these connections we get a little closer than just words on a screen, or pictures on a monitor, we exchange numbers and converse late into the night. We may than begin to bare even more of ourselves, life stories are painted with more vivid details, feelings are felt more stronger than just some passing momentary glance at a screen. We now begin to place a voice to the face, a government name to replace the catchy fake one, a more intimate time is spent between one another. While I'm walking down the streets of Philly, she strolls through central park, or rides the metro that runs beneath the District of Columbia. Yet we're together in thought or conversation. I can see what she sees and hear what she has just heard, I can be with her while she's miles away neither of us ever feeling alone. I can sit on my toilet in Willow Grove, PA while someone's standing on the shores of a beach in Palm Springs, FL yet I can read what their doing and even see the waters edge. We've become so close yet there's still so much that keeps us so far apart. I lay in my bed and write words for anyone to see, thinking of her and wondering if she's thinking of me.............

Look at 2009 movies Part I

I am going to start with the man of the year I AM NAMING HIM THAT.....Aston "FUCKING" Kutcher, the funny man that made me almost piss myself while watching "Married in Vegas." Aston has been trying to change the shit up by doing some roles that are some what out of character for the young handsome funny man from that 70' show. In the movie "Personal Effects' Aston not only gets laid by one of the hottest woman out there but he turns on the water fountain in this true tear jerker touching film. Ashton plays a grieving brother and Michelle plays the grieving widow, mother of a deaf son and they're just trying to hold it all together. Aston plays a 24 year old swimmer who falls for the much older Michelle as they learn to help one another through their trying times. This is a must see movie pretty good, not very well promoted but I like I like....this one gets a four and a half stars. Some may find it a bit slow but you gotta love a little drama that's not in your life but someone else. Check the damn film out, trust me!!!?

Here he is again Aston Kutcher stars in "Spread" this movie was actually something I watched from being a follower of Aston via Twitter. This was a small independent film and yes there some FUCKING going on so not for children 100% not a family friendly film, however I learned something from this. Aston is continuing to go for this mature, drama, emotional roles and this movie is something else. Mr. Kutcher is a grown ass man and he's standing tall or sitting down with some chick riding his lap all the way. This was like a semi White version of a Tyler Perry film hahaha okay not really really but there was a change in the main character from the beginning of the film. Ashton has many talents, funny man, fantasy football show host and Mr. Kutcher. I like Ashton's role in this film at times I was lost on exactly what I was to learn from this...however in the end it all pulled itself together. Are all people in Cali this superficial? I don't know but I don't wanna find out either. In this sex filled movie Ashton puts to shame the woman of "Sex in the City" and he even changes his life. I give this sleeper hit about 3 and a half stars. A little to much heterosexual sex for my taster but it was a go see it film.

Next up I would like to start with one I had not really planned on going out to see in theaters and that is the Bruce Willis film of 2009 "Surrogates." I imagined here a sleeper, but Bruce always brings it with the action packed films however it's always the same BRUCE WILLIS aka Mr. DIE HARD. I mean you gotta love Bruce he's a cool white dude, down to earth even funny at times. But he has done a lot of the Die Hard like films which to me have seemed to place him into a stereotyped role of the guy that just gets his ass handed to him, yet keeps on coming at you. Bloody and beaten Bruce will be a pain in your ass and a smart guy right until the end when your pushing up daisies and he's getting the hot chick and licking his many fake wounds. This movie is pretty much action packed yet I see a wee bit of a different side of the Bruce'ster I'd like to call him. The dude is a bit of a hard ass, but the comedy is there with his witty quick one liners and come back lines. This is on the science fiction film all the way and Surrogates may even be possible in the near future so watch and learn with some deep shit for your mind. I solid 4 stars, it does have it's "Oh shit I fell asleep for a minute" parts but all in all it is a nice piece for the true scfi lover.

Let's pass quickly over the 2009 BULLSHIT films, I love love love love love me BIG however this film

could have been made within the two or three days after his passing. It was to quickly made, poorly informative and come on the story line was all chopped up and barely told half of the story. The casting pick got Biggie was wonderful, however bad choice on the Puff-ster, I almost hated that pick as much as I can't stand puff dog, puff diddie, puff whitie what ever the hell the over inflated ignorant bastard is calling himself these days. This was a lame film and it made me wanna cry for even watching it. Best part of the film seriously was the end showing the true fans and the ride through the streets with the fans pumping Biggie'

s songs. Rest in peace Big and forgive the poor ignorant bastards that butchered your memory with this head scratching, D rated BULLSHIT!! This film easily gets a 1 star just for the ending alone and the choice of pick for the young man named Jamal Woolard as the Notorious BIG.

This film "Wrong Turn" is truly a wipe my ass with it film, this should have went straight to Fearnet on the Comcast network. Poor, boring, no quality, this is not worth my time this movie was also a bullshit film. This gets 0 stars and is something not even worth your time watching it. Just read a damn book instead, please I'd rather bang my head on a brick wall ,with spikey nails sticking out of it........not worth the tape they even used to record the film. Moving right along........

Okay RHOA coming on this will be continued tomorrow..........stay tuned for part II

Nukin for nove in aww da wong place nukin for nove (Eddie Murphy SNL)

Wow! Okay so why is it that when your in need of something you always seem to find the exact wrong thing and lose focus on what you wanted in the first place? Am I making no sense? Well let me clear things up a bit, let's think about a young basketball player, performs like a pro when he's only a high school student. Not naming any names, but the future is looking truly bright for this young person. However instead of focusing on the game drugs enter the scene, I mean this young athlete was looking for something to take the edge off but instead of getting a new hobby, a new dope head emerges. People are always seeking something, whether it's education, money, love, enlightenment, food or whatever as humans we're always seeking something. But that doesn't mean we end up with exactly what we were looking for.
The lonely person seeking out love or companionship is often the victim of someone's cruel intentions. Someone who also pretends to be looking for the same things love and companionship however their looking to play on the emotions of anyone willing to fall into their trap. Sometimes we all fall a fool from time to time....however when one becomes complacent with receiving mediocrity it's often hard to know when something good is right in front of your face.
Don't overlook something that may be right under your noes. While searching for that missing piece in our lives someone may hold that missing part that you've been looking for. Be slow, be attentive, be thorough, wait on the Lord to bring fourth your next move. Remember your steps are ordered!

Jon & Kate Plus 8 ... or Nobody

Jon & Kate Plus 8 ... or Nobody

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In the palm of my hand.....

As you're going about you daily routine ever notice a palm reader sign? I mean their are a few around here and there.....well I decided to google a diagram of the lines on my palms. Do they really mean anything? Or are they just folds in my hand that I got from balling my hands up inside the womb of my mother? It's interesting the different takes people take on things in our every day lives. I mean there are several different religions and beliefs in God or a god. There are so many different thoughts on the different aspects of the way our bodies can be kept healthy & live longer. What power do we as humans really have within us that we don't even use? We're such a mystery and there's so many questions that go unanswered or are often debated without any true outcome. When I search the palms of my hands and see the life line I think is that long or short? There's even a line for the heart but what does that mean? Is that a person's love, or their actual heart? My heart line appears some what short, could that mean I'm always going to be alone? I'd hate to be alone all my life! The questions could go on forever......I've never had my palm read however I did visit a man named John who handed me a deck of cards. John told me to shuffle and he cut the deck in half and began to lay them out onto the table. John told me things that had happened in my life, as well as things that were taking place currently in my life, he ended with things that were going to happen next. I only went to John about two or three times, what he had done had always made me think was this a gift or was I fooled into believing something? I know longer know where John is, he's probably died since than being as though he was very old and sickly an that was over fifteen years ago. Could there actually be people like John, with a gift of seeing into someone's future, past and present without even knowing them? And if this is so would this be a gift or a curse? Hhmm makes me wonder if we could all learn to use that other 90% of our brains what could we do?

Moving On

I have decided that I am sick and tired of the way things have been going in my life. I know many people can touch and agree on that point, but how many people do anything to change it....the question may be is HOW THE HELL DO YOU CHANGE THINGS? Well I can hold my head high, proudly say I have no damned idea what so EVER!! However I am going to try things differently from this day forward. For the past month I have been cleaning my home, no literally cleaning out my apartment. I have taken several bags of trash out of this place I have moved things, thrown out things that I have been holding on to for the longest. I love my apartment and I am so thankful to GOD to have a place of my own, however I live in a very hhmmmm how do I put it, a very ghetto place, where things go unfixed by the landlord, where neighbors drink outside, curse, fight and sell drugs. I feel safe because I stay inside my place, my chid goes outside and away from this complex to go out and play. I would like to move else where, but I realize I have to take care of what I have, be thankful and give thanks often in order to show the Lord that I am ready and deserving of a new home, a safer home and hopefully a larger home. So despite feeling lazy, I have to show some love to the place in which I call home for now. I clean, I sweep, I mop I make sure everything stays pretty much in it's place. As for changing the direction of my life I have decided to go out and get some more education so that I can chose a different live of work. Of course I find nothing wrong with working with children because I do happen to love the little buggers even the ones at the alternative schools in which I always find myself working with. However the pay is piss poor and the people that work with children aren't very far from children themselves. I mean I have come across some just down right stupid people working with children, people with horrible values no morales and little respect for the children that they are supposed to be protecting, teaching and responsible for. I am just sick of seeing the lack of professionalism of people that work within places which should be safe and structured for children, especially children with a background of abuse, neglect and problems. So I am seeking higher training, I seeking more training, I am trying to build on what knowledge I already have to become a better person, employee, mother, teacher, and all around good Christian. I have written out a weekly list, a list of things that I know that I need to do to help make my life better, different and change the direction in which I am heading. I have made a list of important things in which I need to do to start myself out on a good day. I have prayer, water, grooming, exercise, topped off with a daily list of things in which I need to do for that particular day. I sat down tonight and made the list for Monday morning, starting out early with getting my child to the bus stop, than heading to the gym to work out for at least one full hour, in this time I will drink plenty of water, make sure I pray and review my daily activities. Once I have completed those tasks I move on to the next things in which I have placed on my life. I will write the time in which I completed these things as well as a check to make sure that i have done them all.

Fu*ken Philadelphia Parking MESS!!!

Okay so yeah we've got a national show about the Philadelphia Parking
authority, but what about the mess that is the reason for so many issues
parking tickets? I mean their are to many non-working parking meters
around the city along with not enough ample parking spaces for many
drivers especially for those handicapped drivers. Now does this make any
sense? There's a senior citizens high rise building at 18th and
Springarden streets, why are there only two handicapped spaces in the
front of this building? Than there's one mid way down the block in front
of a small market which is a broken meter!! I have a handicapped placard
and I fed this meter 3 quarters only to get 6 minutes on the meter. Now
if I had stayed their and went to visit my ex's mother for the usual two
hours I would've been ticked because this area is highly patrolled by
the PPA. But who the hell really cares that I lost 75 cents? Who gets
this 75 cents the mafia that is the Philadelphia Parking Authority. When
do they ever issue refunds to people with all the stolen quarters their
machines take from innocent parkers daily? People on the show Parking
Wars offend call the PPA the mafia, however there is some parts to this
that ring true. The PPA is often getting thousands of dollars from
broken meters which actual are set up to steal money from drivers
parking at these meters. This meter was fed by someone else as I
departed the building I noticed a car parked there with some time on the
meter, who knows how much money was fed to the meter to obtain those
minutes. But we all know that the Philadelphia Parking Authority is
stealing from the drivers seeking parking throughout the city...shame on
you PPA and Philadelphia another nasty blemish on your city!!!

Are parents raising their children? Or just opening the door an sending them outside to play?

Good Evening,

I'm sitting here on Moreland Road in Willow Grove, nestled in this quite
community just minutes outside of the noise, crime and filth of
Philadelphia, PA. It's pretty dark outside because street lights are few and far between one another. It's really quite here at night usually except for my ghetto complex filled with old drunks and young fake scared hustlers that rarely travel outside of a five mile radius. Any
way I'm watching a bunch of, what looks like 12 year old skate boarding
and cursing their little ignorant heads off. No, the police haven't stopped passed and moved them on even though their on private property, Yes, the police did drive past in the last few minutes but of course the children don't have the 'complexion' to draw attention from the police.
However these prepubescent nuisance were causing much attention to those near by them, throwing skate boards, screaming at each other, every other word being a four letter one, all this within this sleepy quite well patrolled shopping area.
My actual attitude wasn't with just their behavior or even with the lack
of action from Abington nor Upper Moreland's 'finest' even though they played a large part in that. However I'm wondering where their parents minds were at this moment in time. I mean it's 10pm, rather dark in the burbs, there are many trees, few lights, I mean even at a certain time some of the traffic lights are even turned off or blinking yellow. Out of the three young men the largest appeared to weigh a hundred and twenty pounds soak'n wet! The other two were barely four feet tall, and might not have even weighed a hundred pounds. Now this was maybe a hundred yards from the mall and feet away from closed stores. Why aren't they
even thinking of heading home? Is it just that parents don't place strict enough demands on their children during the summer months? I mean I've got a nine year old and even though we live in a some what peaceful neighborhood, but a rather rough complex I'd NEVER let my child play outside a mist the darkness of night.

These same people are the faces I see when I watch 48 Hours Mystery, claiming 'that things like this don't happen here!' I mean bad things happen EVERY WHERE, especially when parents aren't mindful of where their children are. Danger lurks every where, other children may do something when bored that maybe harmful or dangerous to themselves as
well as others. Within this area there are a number of registered sex offenders as well as other types of criminals that aren't required to register their location. People often think these types of criminals are minorities or are located in so called 'urban' areas like Philadelphia. But within neatly manicured lawns and large southern style homes, or neat little ranchers live the same types of people that reside in all the other areas. It's just quietly kept, secretly cleaned and hidden away. It's the type of criminal to fear, the one that's able to hide
amongst the walls of suburbia. Another thing is what types of things their saying or doing when their not around. I'm sure people know whether or not their children curse
when they think no ones listening. All a parent has to do is keep on open ear when your child's on the phone, or with a friend in the room when they think your out of ear shot! I mean come on what happened to the detective in people? I'm a watcher, I notice things that happen that
others don't, I feel people's feelings, I study eye movement, facial movements that let onto a person's feelings or thoughts. I watch, I listen, I talk, I question, I focus, I feel, I perceive what's happened, happening and yet to come. I used to think everyone was like me, but I know their not now. I connect with few people from time to time that are like me, I wish more parents would be like myself, more people need to be in tuned with what's happening around them. Maybe people would be better to one another, maybe people would be able to get together and really change the world.

The Rage over Gastric Bipass

I'm sitting here at Thomas Jefferson hospital in the cafeteria of all
places. I was in a room in a building down the street on the 5th floor,
where I dropped of Lynda (the ex) to see the bariatrics doctor. She had
decided as I did a year earlier to check out the option of having the
surgery. Even though I went and did nothing I decided to return on July
the 24th 2009 and try and see if this was a decision for me. I'm still
on the fence after thinking about it over and over I still want to just
lose weight the natural way. I mean yes it's longer, takes more self
control, and is going to take a lot of work on my part.
I'm not very keen on the possibility of dying during a weight loss
surgery when I'm 34 years old. Or awaking a week or two later in the
ICU. I mean all these things way heavy on my mind. However being
overweight has it's tragic effects as well, that could lead to my demise
or eventual death. I mean hell sleeping without my cpap machine is like
risking my life every time I lay down to take a nap or sleep for the
night. There's so much to deal with it's all to much, I just see so many
people rushing to get this surgery people that didn't have the will
power to exercise and eat smaller portions on their own. So to me it's
like risking your life to lose weight for now, but what about the long
run?
I just don't get it..........to be continued...........

I say a Little Prayer to end Heart Disease...E. Lynn Harris

After hearing about the demise of the great E. Lynn Harris whom died
Thursday July 23rd 2009 of heart disease aggravated by high blood
pressure. It's a great loss however E. Lynn Harris as well as the pitch
man Billy Mays are very high profile examples of the thousands of
Americans that die do to heart disease brought on by untreated or
uncontrolled high blood pressure. The two being African American and
Caucasian perfect examples of how this can affect anyone. This is also
known as the 'silent killer' both Mays and Harris briefly complained of
feeling ill shortly before laying to rest and both were found dead after
falling off to sleep. Mays being 50 years old and Harris a young 54
years old. Many people have not yet made the connection nor used the
both of their deaths as an awakening for the rest of the world. Many
have mourned the passing of the two yet no connections are being made.

I've contacted the American Heart Association as well as the estate of
both of the men to ask if their images can be used in an awareness
campaign to alert other Americans of the results of high blood pressure
and heart disease. Many more people have and will die from this
condition if it continues to go untreated. Congress also must pass the
health care reform bill so that all Americans can have the coverage to
seek care for yearly physicals. Even those without health coverage can
seek out a clinic or free blood pressure screenings in their area, even
if it's at the machine at their local pharmacy. This blog will be
continued.......

To learn more about Heart Disease go to;
www.americanheart.org

And to purchase books by E. Lynn Harris go to;

www.giovannisroom.com

They have shipping to many areas of the country!!

Little people Big world, pondering....

Don't know if many of you have ever watched a show entitled 'Little
people Big world', but it's an interesting look at people and the many
difference that they have to endure in their lives. It's not often that
I encounter a Little Person, many of you may be able to say that same
thing as well. The many aspects of their lives are much the same as
anyone else's, except that the world is not built around their physical
stature. Now that's a huge challenge in it's self, because many of the
things most of us do daily, may be more of a task for them to complete.
There's so many interesting things that they most go through to live
their lives. Many of their issues include their many medical problems
that comes with being of small stature. Now these people are like
everyone else, they don't count their many medical issues and their
small stature as a handicap despite how difficult they may be. It's
amazing how the world is set up to accomidate people of 'average'
everything!! I mean seriously, average height and weights are figured
out for us, but people don't fit into these molds which society has laid
out for us these perfect cookie cutter shapes in which many of us don't
fit. See there in lies the rub! People are pre-judged using these
actualizations of what a person should look like, how tall, what they
should weigh, and it leaves no room for any wiggle, I mean a person 20
pounds over their weight sends doctors into panic mood, a person 50
pounds over weight is called morbidly obese. There are places where
people in wheel chairs are unable to gain access, their are entire
stores that sell cloths that many people can't even fit into, hell their
are still pools which won't allow Black children to swim (Valley Swim
Club in Hunting Valley, PA u suck). In this day in age their so much
still to be learned about people and their many differences. This show
just opens your eyes to an entirely different aspect of life in which is
rarely seen by most.
I guess for all the people outside of this cookie cutter shape WE are
all Little People in a Big World!!

Fear of fears........

We are all taught to have faith, to believe in God and to say our prayers, that God will put nothing on us that we can't handle, but what about those that have committed suicide? I mean I have often talked with many people of faith, of religious education, of non-religious backgrounds and we all end the conversation without any one clear cut answer. I mean I went to school with two people that ended up taking their lives, barely out of their teens yet they were adults and one with a loving caring family and a beautiful child. What was it that made them crack? What was it that made them want to hurt themselves? Were they that sad? Were they that mentally ill? Does God forgive them if they did this out of pure mental illness? Were do their souls rest? I mean being a person who has been in the situation of total sadness I have often wondered could it have been or BE me?

I actually Googled the term "fear of Death" and there were over thirty-eight million hits. There were groups and blogs where people wrote of their fear of death, many angry, wondering why even be born to just die! Death comes at an unknown time, place, with an unknown cause. This being the biggest fear for many people. How ever if people have these fears, fear of death to be exact than why don't more people live like today is their last day? I mean there are often people that are mean, angry, rude, crude and harsh to one another despite the fact that we all know that out lives are short and can end at any time. I am guilty of having such fears, yet I am always mindful of how I am treating someone else and in recent months I've tried my best to get away from people that treat me mean and nasty. I wish I could reprogram my mind and become more like a child, more carefree, more fun loving, more adventurous, more active and just out right young & dumb.

Now I am here at times left feeling bitter, here I am stuck on dark and dreary my mood one step from tears flooding to just out right pain. I feel as though I was robbed I had the worst childhood, being beat shitless to becoming a mentally challenged adult. I have faith but even with faith this body in which I am in will cease to house me forever, I will one day like many before me pass away, no longer to smell sweet days, my daughters hair, watch my cat do crazy tricks, feel the sun on my face, enjoy the bluest of skies or the chill of a november night! My only fear is leaving behind someone that is going to be sad about me no longer being there.......God I wish I could live my life without fears.......

When will Black people RISE UP & restore their GLORY??

When are Black Americans going to regain their class and status as the once strong, Verile and feared for their organization, strong family structure, clear minds, superior thoughts and beyond human strength and abilities. I mean seriously when have any of you did some research on people of color? We come from royalty, from good stock, we were of Kings and Queens ruling over kingdoms. We are the same people of Africa, the middle east, we were once rich in culture, family, wealth and status. We were once so feared that White Americans didn't want us to get together in large numbers, because we were so strong, we were so smart, we were physically strong as well as mentally. We had everything taken from us YET still we got stronger, we laughed, we danced, we produced strong off spring, we had tolerance for the worst of conditions. What have we now? I am not trying to write this out of racism which many people might think, which right now I don't care I am just saddened by my people every day and I think damn I had to have a child and bring her into this ignorant world. I mean what the HELL happened to US? Come on we went from such strong people, people that walked miles to boycott a racist ass system. We refused to ride public transportation for over a year walking every where we needed to go. WE built this country on our blood, sweat and tears!! Can I get an AMEN!?? We as a people died and bled on this great countries earth while being enslaved and mistreated, abused, raped of our virginity, raped of our culture and raped of our faith. HERE we stand in 2009 proud to call each other NIGGAS and BITCHES and HIGH YELLOW ain't a thing cause I am used to it!! Sad is what the fuck we are!! Sad and ignorant fucking people we have become YEAH I SAY WE FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK I AM WRONG IN DOING SO, because it is to many of US for me to say some, many come on I am not even separating myself from this because WE are a People we are one and when WE realize this SHIT than we will no longer be so ignorant. I speak my mind and MY people call me "militant" or some fucking so called friends like to call me unhappy!! I no longer give a shit what people think of me, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of Black folks and their ignorant asses. I am sick of seeing Black men standing in front of stores with they dirty ass under clothing showing, cursing up a storm, scratching their dirty little dicks, and spitting on the side walk while woman walk past with their babies. I sat right on Wadsworth Avenue and I watched for about 15 minutes, I looked at my baby girls face, she had the most horrible look of disgust on her face as she watched these grown ass Black men, holding their penis, calling out to passing females, spitting, fighting and cursing. She cringed with every word they said and their every moment drew her closer to the far side of the car. I even looked at them and they looked at me and my daughter, never stopping, never yielding, never missing a curse word. I eventually rolled up the windows and turned the air on, along with the radio to tune them out. But it was not just Wadsworth Avenue in Philadelphia, it has been Easton Road in Willow Grove, it has been the Willow Grove Park Mall, it has been from 5Th & Girard, to King of Prussia Mall it has been outside the doctors office in Elkins Park hospital, it has been on the boardwalk in Atlantic City, it has been every where I have seen a Black person. Every where they go they take their ignorance, they take their hateful words, the dick grabbing, their ass hanging out, their spitting, their 'nigger this and nigger that!" I mean even woman who may not use these words except them, except the MEN that use them, use them around their sons, use them around their daughter. WE have become a people to accept all this bullshit, being called BITCHES, being called NIGGERS, being called HIGH YELLOW...which excuse me I have to put this in here because this is why I am typing this blog RIGHT NOW!! A friend on facebook posted pics of her baby girl, one of her friends called the little girl HIGH YELLOW, I wrote to her that her daughter was beautiful BUT high yellow is a negative comment it means uppity Black person and back in the day dark skinned Blacks used this as a way to create fights among their lighter counter parts, it is hateful it is IGNORANT it is something that should not be used especially if someone is speaking of your BABY GIRL!! WHAT? WHAT? Where is the fire? Where is the Fire? Where does this shit end?? Where do ALL BLACK PEOPLE stand up and say SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM NOT GOING TO BE CALLED A NIGGA, I AM NOT GOING TO BE CALLED A BITCH I AM NOT HIGH YELLOW I am ME and I am sick of this ignorant SHIT take back out RACE and damn these fools to hell. Get these men off the corner & from in front of these stores calling each other names, calling woman as if they are dogs AND they are answering they whistle at one woman and she is beautiful I mean she made other woman beside me, turn and look at her, SHE even answered to a whistle, to a hey come here! Are you serious?!? Here is a copy of the conversation on facebook about skin color because I am to pissed to continue I will come back to this TRUST ME;

Tiffany Tuck at 10:05am March 11

She is too adorable. Looks just like her high yella momma! :-)

Danyelle Gibson at 7:28pm March 11

Hi Hater!! You know she is just really light brown....lol

Tiffany Tuck at 11:37am March 13

Keep trying and let the next one bake a little longer, until golden brown. LOL!!! No seriously, she's too cute.

Bernice Taylor at 9:40pm April 18

She is too cute Danyelle!

Danyelle Gibson at 9:40pm April 18

Thank you. We went today and got them taken.

Sauda W Collins-Taylor at 9:44pm April 18

She is really too cute.... but u know that baby ain't brown Danyelle....

Tyra R. DeVeaux at 9:57pm April 18

No, she's far from brown....Sh's definitely high yellow......BUT she's loks like her gramndmother!

Devon Whitmore at 12:12am April 19

You were right, that color looks great on her! I know Kamillita showed out!

Tyanisa Bell-Davis at 3:18pm April 19

Did she say brown? Is that the new yellow?
LUV YA Ms. Kamille!

Danielle Hargrove-Seward at 10:56am April 27

You look great. Your family is beautiful.

Elsa Adams at 11:47am April 27

Wonderful pic girl... Real nice.

Angela Johnson at 11:55am April 27

awwww look @ my extended family

Danyelle Gibson at 12:02pm April 27

Thank you guys

Charles R. Miller III at 2:05pm June 29

Very beautiful babay!!

Danyelle Gibson at 2:08pm June 29

Thank you. Even though she decided to sky dive off of the bed on Friday.....kids are a mess.

Tracie Henry at 2:08pm June 29

Your baby is beautiful!! And uummm not trying to be a smartass but the term "HIGH YELLOW" is very very offensive it means a uppity light skinned Black person. I mean I have heard many people call each other this and I do not know if they knew what it meant or not but that is what it means!! Now a days Black people seem to not care about things like this but I for one wouldn't want to be called that or the "N" word it's just ME, just letting you know!

Danyelle Gibson at 2:10pm June 29

I have been hearing it my whole life so it no longer offends me. I am a lighter shade of brown and so is my baby...no matter what they say.

Danyelle Gibson at 2:10pm June 29

I have been hearing it my whole life so it no longer offends me. I am a lighter shade of brown and so is my baby...no matter what they say.

Tracie Henry at 2:11pm June 29

also it High YELLOW was created like the word "NIGGER" was created it was meant to hurt, dark skinned Black people used it back in the day to hurt light skinned Blacks because we truly are not YELLOW people. They just used it to hurt one another, and many a people fought over being called HIGH YELLOW including my mother...just an end note in case I didn't explain myself.

Tracie Henry at 2:15pm June 29

WOW! is all I have to say....