In the past few months I have been there....my feelings have been hurt people I thought were my friends showed their TRUE colors, I have been broke, sad, hungry, scared, lonely, in pain, depressed, lost, found, misunderstood, used, abused, lied to, misrepresented, tested, tried, drained, I mean the list could go on and on. However I am NOT alone others have been going through with their own issues many handle things in different ways. But I watch "HER" and no "HER" isn't code for my recent ex or anything however "HER" is more than one person. It's a few woman that have been or are in my life at this time. I have been watching them chase the NEXT one as if their lives would be lost if they were forced to be single for more than a month or hell in one's case for more than a damn WEEK. I mean track shoes on chasing the next girlfriend, wife, relationship, or in many of their cases the next ex that they can bitch and moan about being such a horrible person.
I mean I understand lonely, I understand single trust me do I understand single she's my friend. What I don't understand in the lack of willingness of individuals to seek out change within themselves. I mean when you break up with someone that you "really" loved and cared for, how can you just simply move right onto the next victim with all the baggage that carried over from all the issues in which you recently dwelt with in that past relationship. I do understand that many people MANY don't even know what the hell the word "love" means and are just recklessly using it on random people hoping, seeking that they aren't ever called out on that bullshit! I mean come on if there were so many people in "love" than there wouldn't be so many people getting in and out of relationships like they get in and out of their underwear.
Bad enough their jumping from relationship to relationship, and not taking care of their core emotional issues, their also creating a situation in their lives that isn't really the best look for them in the long run. For example who wants to date someone that's been through more woman than Tampax? I mean once your been from her to her to her, what's going to happen when you finally find "HER"? Well there's going to be a problem are you really going to tell "HER" about the hundred or so other woman you've told that you loved, or that you've opened your legs to? Not to mention for these Dyke a day chicks, a dyke one day and a dick the next! I mean you're probably going to lie, or lie by omitting the many many many people of your past. I mean who really wants to settle down with the local whore? Who wants to proudly walk around down with the one woman that every ones had on their arm? So maybe you leave out a few woman, however what do you do about those people you've already been through? How do you get them to disappear, or forget that they too have test driven you? I've also been with her, that one that's been with so many people that she left out every single relationship she's ever had only for her closet to open and the bones to start spilling out right in front of me. So not only are you a hoe but a liar too, what a wonderful package, this here is my life living as a single lesbian, every woman I seem to meet, deal with or dwelt with has been going around like the local meals on wheels delivery person giving out a bit here and there, than of course lying by omission.
So as I watch "her" chasing the next ex, I feel like I am NEVER going to be in a relationship ever again, because here I am working so hard on me, every day a change is coming, every day work is being put in every therapy appointment, every step towards bettering myself is a step away from many of the "hers" out there that are still chasing someone. Instead of chasing betterment in their own lives, instead of chasing a change in how they see or experience the world around themselves. So I awaken and bless each day with the newness that is me.....and for now I'll do that all alone just wish I wasn't going through this on my own!!!!
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