Believe it or not I could barely think ahead when I was a child, even now I barely have the ability to plan years ahead.....blame it on the OCD, the severe depression, or just the fact that life's hard enough living from day to day. A few days ago I awoke to some changes in my life, some grand wonderful changes. I became desperate, I became focused, I became ready to plan for my life ahead. I'm a female 100% despite my wardrobe, my desires or my lifestyle, never felt what it would be like to be a male despite it all UNTIL she said, "I'm pregnant!" I mean sure I wanted this, planned it, talked about it hours on end, love children, want more, desire to build upon my small tribe, however REALity is different than planning........what turns comes out from our plans is what we eventually have to deal with. So here I sit with this news weighing on me like a shit load of bricks, she's pregnant!?! Emotions waled against me from inside as well as out....questions answered and those yet to be asked filled my head. That day I meant someone named FUTURE. Future had no describable height, even though I can say I was looking up at it, the size and shape are also difficult to describe. However it spoke to me clearly; Future said to me "You must come to me whether your ready or not, you do understand this don't you?" I answered "Yes, I know this." Future spoke back rather harshly in tone this time, "Why have you been so reluctant to accept that fact in the past?" The sound of thunder seemed to come out of no where, clear skies, were above my head as a peeked beyond the shoulder of Future. Again Future spoke, "You've been busy looking at my sister to even cast your sites on me." Your...sis-sister?? I found this confusing not knowing who the sister of Future was or even the thought that I had been looking at her. Future pointed behind my back, saying she's always back their her name is Past some give her nick names, but always speak of her often instead of me. You see she's much more popular than I am because many people like to live in her instead of me. Future's tone had softened a bit and I was able to connect with Future, thinking of my sister's but things into perspective. Future said "You're on the right track but I am not jealous of my sister I just wish people would accept me into their lives to make things easier on themselves."
So Future asked me why I had finally started to pay em' any attention, I than spoke of my soon to be arriving baby, and all the preparations I had made for this child, which were all finally right here. Future snapped at me "SEE you've planned half assed and now you're behind the eight ball, a life is coming your way what are you plans beyond this baby?" I looked at Future, jumped to my feet, started to plan that moment that day and have yet to stop......I have admired Past for oh so long but the time has come to an end, for just a few days ago I made a new friend Future's the name...and our fun has just begin!!!
To Be CONT'D..............
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