ALONE!!

We enter the world one at a time alone we're placed in the clear hospital bassinet with the thin pad inside of it. When my daughter was born I remember it as if it were yesterday, she came out was quickly rapped inside a blanket and laid upon my breast. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, my sister who was standing to my right side snapped into action. She looked above my head and yelled can someone turn off this light? She started flipping switches, quickly repeated herself, when a nurse reached for the switch turning the light off. In an instance my baby stopped crying, finally she was able to look at me, relieved. With that being said, our entrance into the world is much like our exit from the world, we're pretty much at the mercy of someone else. This someone else should not only show us dignity, but respect as well as compassion. But the road we travel throughout is just one hell of a ride.

Some people are blessed, born into families that love and wanted them, their raised well, the best of care, education, clothing, medical as well as emotional support. Than there are others born into families without a thought, but than again their parents make a way with a bare minimum but still loved. Now there are those like myself born, beaten shit-less, given all the things they wanted except for love, care, and peace in our lives. Not the best start off in life, yet it's a start, if we're lucky like myself we live to see the day when we are no longer a punching bag, but an adult. Yet what skills for cooping are we ever taught to take us further in life? Friends we pick, mates with choose, choices we make.

I was blessed to be able to befriend someone who much like me had a rough childhood, she was born the same year, month and one day before I was. Much of how we think is the same, much of our passions are the same. We spoke of our upbringing and realized that who we had become was without the help of the mother who bore us or the father whom seed we were started from. She and I had to learn many of the things that we now know today on our on, loving or partners, caring an raising our children, living our daily lives. Now many people pat themselves on the back, thinking that their shit don't stink, but how many people can really say that they are the product of themselves?? YEAH?? WTF?

Even with the knowledge of all this people like myself and my friend we still have moments of doubt, like I should have.....or maybe I'd be better off if I had done...... I mean life's always going to throw us curve balls, however I am all alone! I may not sleep alone, but my dreams and desires are mine alone. My life goals match no one else in my life, my strengths are over looked, my family is unloving, and only call upon me to do them a favor. I am utterly alone, I smile for my daughter, knowing I can't stand how she lies to me constantly, or talks to me as if I'm beneath her. I laugh when I know inside I am holding down a huge lump in my throat. I meet people, giving them full trust, respect despite the fact that I know that every person that has entered my life usually ignores my worth, neglects to include me in things, underestimates my needs, uses me for my strength time or resources, or just passes on my friendly personality.

So alone in a crowded room that's me, sleeping on tear socked pillows that's me, at home alone on a Saturday night that's me, babysitting while others go out to party that is I. The one left picking up the pieces after someone has lied that's me, the one befriending someone who uses them that's me, the one that loves everyone and shows empathy for the world that's me, the one that people shit on that's me, the one that continues to get up from being beat down that's me, the one who no one admirers but everyone can say they got help from that's me. The one that stands alone day, night all year round that is ME!!