Music in my tears/Tears in my music

For as long as I can remember music has meant a lot to me, but one day I realized music took me back to times in which I didn't want to relive. I can recall hating the group Cameo because there songs were my mother's joy in playing on nights of her crazed drinking or drug using binges. The volume levels would be so loud that the base would make you stomach thump, while your heart was already beating in your throat because my sister and I already knew an ass whipping was on it's way.

"Yo pretty ladies around the world

Got a weird thing to show you,

So tell all the boys and girls.

Tell your brother, your sister

And mama too, cause they’re

About to go down

And you’ll know just what to do."

Once we lived in a small two bedroom house in the brick yard section of Philly, that little house was like the house of horrors the worst things were seen, heard, happened there. The base really made that little house shake like the windows were going to just burst from the thumping. No place was safe there, the sound traveled throughout and Lord knows what I heard there is forever burned into my deepest memories.

"No romance

No romance

No romance for me mama

Come on baby tell me what’s the word.

Ah – word up"

The music covered up noises as well as made noise, with her music basting you couldn't hear our screams, our cries were added to the soundtrack of Cameo's Word Up. To this day I hate to hear Cameo, but he's not the only one. My mother's other favorite was Sade whom I called SAY-DEE! Listening to her No Ordinary love made me want to just go and meet my God, I would loose all hope in life when I heard that song.

"I gave you all the love I got

I gave you more than I could give

I gave you love

I gave you all that I have inside

And you took my love

You took my love"

Sade always seemed to have a sad and sorrowful sounding voice which was probably the soundtrack for someones suicide if not many someones. I was actually pissed to hear via twitter that Sade came out with a new album recently (2010). I would really not want to hear her voice while along my travels, the sound would probably make me feel, hear and smell my horrible childhood.

When I was in my my early years of elementary school I don't remember what group it was I just know it was an all male rap group, it was a cassette tape. My mother found it and began to call me a dirty little dyke for liking an all male rap group, she repeatedly threw the tape into my face while saying some of the nastiest sexual things to me. Listening to the Tuff Crew makes me feel special but always brings me to this day. I love me some Tuff Crew, they were hot for a little while and this one song was the best.

Even into some of the better days of my life which only came as I became an adult living freely and independent of my mother & father. I fell hopelessly in love once and when I did Stevie Wonder's Ribbon in the Sky was tagged our song, it was placed onto to a blog announcing our relationship, VP was the love of my life....I thought!!!

"Oh so long for this night I prayed

That a star would guide you my way

To share with me this special day

Where a ribbon's in the sky for our love"

I mean God knows I've prayed for so many things, but a love true, pure and free of bullshit drama or arguing is what I desired. I thought I had finally found a relationship of peace in my life for the first time only, this song just made me feel so comfortable. However after a few months the relationship made me feel creepy, lied to, used and unwanted. So the beauty of this song has been forever tarnished in my heart, mind never again will I feel the tingle or joy in which this song was created to make it's listeners feel.

"We cant lose with God on our side

Well find strength in each tear we cry

From now on it will be you and I

And our ribbon in the sky

Ribbon in the sky

A ribbon in the sky for our love"

For my ex and I this ribbon will forever be a black, gloomy cloud that for me always comes when I think of our time spent together. At least the time which lead up to the end, and right after that as well, even Maryland was made dark by the whirlwind of lies that came uncovered.

Now recently with the hope of the birth of my second child through a surrogate that turned out to be a psycho playing games with my emotions, my love Lauryn Hill's song Oh Pretty Baby stings me.

"Your just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You'd be like heaven to touch

I want to hold you so much

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you."

I now know it was too good to be true, people are sick, sad, insane, and hateful. To play this type of game on a person that longs for a child, that wanted just one more blessing to enter into their lives, someone like myself who has been through so much already. So much misery, hurt, sadness and pain. It's like I've been rapped, someone took my most personal desires, turned them against me, used them to make a fool out of me.

Despite all that I've been through I live, despite all that has hurt me I live, despite all that has made me cry I live, despite all that has been done to me I love, I live and I survive. I can hold my head up, be proud that despite of my past I'm not a liar like that person was, I'm not a child abuser like that mother was, I am not a user like that person was, I am not hateful, vindictive, or malicious like that person was. When my die comes when I no longer live I can stand before my God, hold my head up and say that despite what happened to me in life I did not do that in which was done to me, I live through it all as I have always been. Music makes me cry, but crying isn't always so bad that's why I listen to gospel now more than ever before because if it makes me cry it's a good cry.

ALONE!!

We enter the world one at a time alone we're placed in the clear hospital bassinet with the thin pad inside of it. When my daughter was born I remember it as if it were yesterday, she came out was quickly rapped inside a blanket and laid upon my breast. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, my sister who was standing to my right side snapped into action. She looked above my head and yelled can someone turn off this light? She started flipping switches, quickly repeated herself, when a nurse reached for the switch turning the light off. In an instance my baby stopped crying, finally she was able to look at me, relieved. With that being said, our entrance into the world is much like our exit from the world, we're pretty much at the mercy of someone else. This someone else should not only show us dignity, but respect as well as compassion. But the road we travel throughout is just one hell of a ride.

Some people are blessed, born into families that love and wanted them, their raised well, the best of care, education, clothing, medical as well as emotional support. Than there are others born into families without a thought, but than again their parents make a way with a bare minimum but still loved. Now there are those like myself born, beaten shit-less, given all the things they wanted except for love, care, and peace in our lives. Not the best start off in life, yet it's a start, if we're lucky like myself we live to see the day when we are no longer a punching bag, but an adult. Yet what skills for cooping are we ever taught to take us further in life? Friends we pick, mates with choose, choices we make.

I was blessed to be able to befriend someone who much like me had a rough childhood, she was born the same year, month and one day before I was. Much of how we think is the same, much of our passions are the same. We spoke of our upbringing and realized that who we had become was without the help of the mother who bore us or the father whom seed we were started from. She and I had to learn many of the things that we now know today on our on, loving or partners, caring an raising our children, living our daily lives. Now many people pat themselves on the back, thinking that their shit don't stink, but how many people can really say that they are the product of themselves?? YEAH?? WTF?

Even with the knowledge of all this people like myself and my friend we still have moments of doubt, like I should have.....or maybe I'd be better off if I had done...... I mean life's always going to throw us curve balls, however I am all alone! I may not sleep alone, but my dreams and desires are mine alone. My life goals match no one else in my life, my strengths are over looked, my family is unloving, and only call upon me to do them a favor. I am utterly alone, I smile for my daughter, knowing I can't stand how she lies to me constantly, or talks to me as if I'm beneath her. I laugh when I know inside I am holding down a huge lump in my throat. I meet people, giving them full trust, respect despite the fact that I know that every person that has entered my life usually ignores my worth, neglects to include me in things, underestimates my needs, uses me for my strength time or resources, or just passes on my friendly personality.

So alone in a crowded room that's me, sleeping on tear socked pillows that's me, at home alone on a Saturday night that's me, babysitting while others go out to party that is I. The one left picking up the pieces after someone has lied that's me, the one befriending someone who uses them that's me, the one that loves everyone and shows empathy for the world that's me, the one that people shit on that's me, the one that continues to get up from being beat down that's me, the one who no one admirers but everyone can say they got help from that's me. The one that stands alone day, night all year round that is ME!!

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I have but one pet peeve and that is a liar or lies I can't stand someone that makes up lies. There is no godly reason to make up a lie and I am not saying pretending someone's cooking isn't horrible so you don't hurt their feelings. Or even the "oh no baby your not too fat", I mean there are little things we have to say that are just out right protecting someone's feelings and not being rude to them, and sometimes being too honest hurts feelings. However when it's neccesary you have to hurt someone sometimes, like to keep them from believing something that you know is not going to happen. For example you don't want to go leave out of a job interview thinking you've got a job when you don't, or have a man think that you're in a relationship when you the female are clearly a lesbian. I mean yes throughout history men and woman have married knowing full well that they were gay or lesbian, but come on you end up hurting many people in the process of doing that.

Any way I have always found that people tend to lie to me more often than they lie to anyone else PERIOD!! I mean is it because I can't stand it so much that people tend to always pick me to lie to? I mean even my daughter who's seen first hand what damage lying has done to me when one of her so called friends lied to her mother about me screaming at her. I mean damn not only did this little child lie on me but she bullied and threatened my daughter at school, went around told all the local children to not play with my daughter, played on our door, as well as would always stand in front of my car whenever I was entering or exiting the parking lot and not move even when other children would scream at her move there's a car behind you!!! I mean hell this was my worst nightmare being lied on and being stalked by a child who's mother swore she was a saint. Any way I have opened my wallet, my home, my heart and my life and invited people in to know me, my daughter and family only to inreturn be created with lies and fantasy stories that really ended our friendships or relationships. I once fell totally in love with someone that lied about everything except name, job and address. I mean everything else even down to the personality of this individual was a lie, made up or fake. Than in turn upon me moving to another state to live with this asshole, I found out all the nasty truths in which I was kept from, well needless to say a hundred miles from my family, with my daughter living there as well I lost my temper, my mind, my body and soul upon this discovery. But I did not let that be my great lesson, it took me years of therapy to get back on track, yet I still trusted in the goodness of the human soul. I still believed that people were genuinely honest with one another like myself ---->>> REAL!! Come on it doesn't get any better than that!! Any way here it came again in the form of a little white innocent looking Army boy, he turned out to be the same ole thing, I trusted him by being a friend, offering a place to stay for a brief time. Yet he turned out to be a liar as well. I mean it doesn't matter the age, race, sex, religion, greed or education, these liars seem to come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors. But every single time I tell myself people deserve to be treated kindly and trusted for who they are.

However this last one is going to be just that, the LAST ONE! I mean I've given money to little old homeless ladies, sent a pregnant poor girl a bus ticket to get from Jersey to Georgia, given so much of myself to always be left feeling the sting of the liars....I mean this last woman promised me a child an entire life from her womb that she claimed she had with the sperm donor we picked out. She was supposed to be a life long friend, someone I cared about, I worried about I had so much love for, and just one day before her so called relocation across country she just fell off, stopped contact, claimed she was under stress and a doctor told her to be careful or some kind of BS. I mean it's like my face in posted on a website for all these liars to just seek me out. I am really like what the hell did I do to piss off someone up on high. I mean damn, I've lived a life where I've cried so much I thought dust would come out of my eyes. I am just so sick and tired of crying, sick and tired of being hurt just because I was nice to someone. I mean I've never expected anything in return, but I did think that these people were my friends, so I guess I did expect continued friendship, but never ever got it!

I mean even when I thought I had found the love on my life, I was smacked but into reality with so much hurt and pain that I thought I'd positively die. I mean I said I love you, I got the words I love you in return, who would've thought that one of us was lying about that?? Who would have thought that when we planned our future together that one of us was thinking about someone else when they pictured "THEIR" future wedding. I mean as simple and easy as it is to not lie to someone, why do so many people do it? If you ever meet someone that you feel that you have to lie to than just leave them alone, and save them all the hurt, pain and embarrassment of being lied to by you!! Please and thank you

Oh pretty baby......

"Your just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off of you"

Since I can remember I've wanted to build a huge loving family, people I'd be able to share my every mind tingling moment with. As I a child I could remember stories of the others, like this brother or that sister that I had only heard about in stories. I used to have fantasy play dates with these faceless siblings, known to me only in a few faded stories that my father told me about. Just first names was all I knew of them, spellings weren't even taught to me, last names unknown by the man that had fathered them. Oh how I wanted so badly to know what it would be like to have more than just one sister in my days and nights. A sister that was as opposite to me as day is to night, or wrong is to right. I imagined what their mothers were like if they'd been beaten as often or as bad as me. I wondered if their faces looked like mine, or their cries went as unanswered as mine had gone. I imagined that one day they'd come for me and save me from the abusive life I had lived which was the only one I had ever known. I used to wonder if I had an older sister would she save me from the flying fists of the sister that hated me so much. Or the mother that drunk, drunk, drunk and fucked, fucked, fucked anyone that gave her the time of day or any bottle that came past her way. I dreamed of this family that would not hurt me for anything in the world, a family that made me the center of their universe, the family that prayed over their meals, sang corny songs together over holiday tracks. I knew that the family I was born into was incapable of love, I wanted to start off fresh, I wanted to create a family like some people create their crafts. I wanted to paint in children, post on some pets, mold a huge loving home, I wanted to whittle a tree house full of playful youths.

"You'd be like heaven to touch

I want to hold you so much"

Life throws so many curve balls our way, that things seem to always have to be adjusted to deal with these new twists or turns. God blessed me with the strength to love, the desire to be loved despite the fact that I had no desire for males I was still blessed with a beautiful daughter. A child that admirers my every being, wants to spend her every moment sitting up under me. Now as nine years have gone by the desires of my heart have yet to be fulfilled, the rooms aren't filled with children's little laughter, sounds of tiny little steps, happy hands all over the place. I asked "her" and she said she'd oblige me, so God brought fourth a child for me placed it inside of her womb.

"At long last love has arrived And I thank God I'm alive You're just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off of you."

Despite the fact that this new life form is coming into my world via the fruit of "her" womb and not mine means to me that your not less of my family but more of a blessing to me. I've wanted to hold you from the moment I learned of your existence, I prepared a place for you to live with me in forever be a part of the love that I have created. I so wish that the world could be a better place for you to see, I so wish that the sun would shine on a more peaceful planet aligned with stars that shine as brightly as your eyes. I so have wished for you to be the most precious of gifts to humanity, I have so be dedicated to loving you more than anyone could ever believe.

"Pardon the way that I stare

There's nothing else to compare

The site of you leaves me weak

There are no words left to speak

But if you feel like I feel

Please let me know that it's real

Your just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you."

Despite the decisions I've made to bring fourth the creation of your life, the envy, arguing and even the strife. You I so dearly love, with all of the strength that I have with all the blessings from above. I pray for your strength, intelligence, and health to be in my life through out all of the days I have yet to live in this life, your my beautiful baby no matter what my status or wealth.

"I need you baby and if it's quite alright

I need you baby to warm the lonely nights

I love you baby trust in me when I say, oh yay

Oh pretty baby don't let me down I pray

Oh pretty baby now that i found you stay

And let me love you love you oh baby."

"Your just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You'd be like heaven to touch

I want to hold you so much

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you."

Figuring this life/love thing out......

Okay I seriously have some issues of depression, ocd......but putting them aside I often find myself pondering the age old question; what is the meaning of love.....life yeah I meant life? Right? I think, I mean love hhmmm wait wait there is my favorite answer to give when people ask what IS LOVE? Answer plan and simple; 4 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Of course this is from the bible in the book of Corinthians. In Paul's letter to the people of Corinth he outlined this so beautifully, that here thousands of years later people all over the world have these words read aloud at the weddings. I so enjoy these poignant, devoted and affectionate words BUT there's always a but isn't there? But are there really people out there that treat one another this way? Wait......before you ponder this I'm going to move on and come back to this thought later on, okay?

What is the meaning of love....wait life? Life or love? For some odd reason I am stuck on this love, this word, this "emotion", yeah the quotations are " " coming out, because I am seriously wondering how many times the word love it just being uses as a WORD, as opposed to a way to describe an "emotion". *Scratching you head?* Well here we go down this road, at a very young age my daughter said to me "Mommy I love you!" Okay how wonderful and cute she said she loved me of course this is my child I love her, so I tell her in return "I love you too lady bug!" Okay fast forward a few years, same child a few years older says to her day school teacher "Good bye Mrs. Holly I love you!" Okay question to child, what is love baby? Child's reply, I don't know, I really like something or someone I love them. Fast forward to a young seven year old, "mommy I hate you!", okay clearly a child with a temper tantrum not getting her way however let's look into this further. Love is patient, she's clearly not able to understand patients at this time but I on the other had are in my early thirties I understand this is an upset child not getting her way, I use patience when dealing with this situation. I respond to her by telling her she's not being "kind" to me by directing such a mean word towards me. Now often yes, as a the only child of a single parent even at nine years old she becomes jealous if I give to much attention to a baby or maybe even another child. She may not understand that there is no need to be jealous because I love her like I love no other child because she is mine. Now as far as bragging and arrogance these are things clearly over the head of a child yet, children my brag of what activities they've done with a parent, time their parent spends with them, that sort of thing. The direction I am heading in is that as a child we are taught so many things, love may not be one of them however we are taught all the aspects of love, kindness to others, not to be jealous, to be patient with one another (sharing, taking turns, waiting for rewards), Bragging or showing off, not to be arrogant (smart mouthed, rude, know it all), unbecomingly (clean yourself, act with manners), does not seek it's own (team work, there is no I in team), truth not to lie, trust to be honest an open with others so that they can be that way with you. We're taught not to be provoked, (well that's mainly in schools if your hit tell someone and don't hit back), Don't be ignorant or hangout with people who do wrong I could go on and on like I have already. But seriously we're all taught to LOVE, with these simple rules that we're given as a child, these simple baby steps are building blocks for our life long ambition of finding out the meaning of life, or life. However WE and I can easily put myself in this category because we do not practice what we are taught in our lives.

I just read someones blog, they went on and on about meeting someone new, liking someone and so fourth. So it got me to thinking about this topic of love, which when I started to create this blog it was about life. We are all trying to figure out what to do where to go, what's are best move to have maximum joy or happiness out of life. But it's simple we have to learn to love one another, the job that humankind is doing right now really truly sucks. It's sad because people are scrambling to pair up, for either the simple fact of not being alone, or sex, or lust, or financial reasons, who knows, but if we don't know how to love is any of this really going to make us happy? I mean can one live a life without love? I mean seriously devoid of the EMOTION that is love, not that word that people throw around to either get ass, or cause it sounds good or like something I should say to someone. I mean seriously feel the way God intended us to feel about one another, and I know I know I know that GOD wanted us to feel love because go back to 1st Corinthians and read that chapter completely or just refer to the top of this blog, all these aspects of love are teachings we've had starting with early childhood. BAM! There it is! Yet why don't people know how to love? Why don't people show love to one another? I mean it's there it's free it's laid out for us in a million different translations. So why is it that someone like me that is seeping love through her pours can never find someone to appreciate me. or the little things I do to show others that they are loved and/or cared about? I am just so lost.........

I asked someone earlier today, I said "Am I a bad person?" I mean people say you reap what you sow, so where is the love? Come on I know we've all been taught it before, where is the damn love??? I am giving up on looking....giving up on the "emotion" love and maybe just going to use the word like others do.......if you can't beat em'

The "REAL" Black genocide facing American Society

There is a problem of Black Genocide facing many American cities today that is "REAL". When you open up your browser, using www.google.com as your search engine there are more than 1,420,000 results that pop up. The top sites are all dedicated to the amounts of Blacks having abortions within today's society. These claims are that despite the fact that Blacks make up an amount of 13-15% of the population in this country that there is a large amount of Blacks having abortions. I do not claim to dispute this claim by any means, however the issues concerning Black genocide are larger than that of claims of racism or what "the white man" is planning or even doing within our communities. Many of these sites are laying much of the blame of the locations of these Planned parenthood offices in so called "Black" or "Urban" areas targeting Black people to get abortions....GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!! Not one of these people wasting their lives or energy are focusing on the fact that the Black or African American family values have declined greatly in the recent years. Now only has it been an increase in single parenting of Black children, but a decline of blacks going onto higher education, or living in middle class families. Not one of these individuals is focusing on the layout and zoning of Black neighborhoods seriously, I mean the number of liquor stores, beer distributors, corner stores selling beer or cigarettes within our community. However these places wouldn't be able to take up residence in our community if anyone cared to protest their opening. Yet, Blacks within these urban communities are the biggest contributors to these businesses.

There is an alarming number of blacks being killed on our streets today which is causing an actual tangible BLACK GENOCIDE. Recently the mayor of Philadelphia had the pleasure of swearing in the newest district attorney to the city. Mayor Nutter also said that he will focus on the issue of "Black Genocide" taking place within the city. NO he wasn't speaking of relocating abortion centers, BUT he was speaking of the alarming rates in which blacks are dying on the streets of the city. The murder rate has not only been sky rocketing in the city for the past years, but it has been claiming a large amount of lives belonging to those that are African American. During a press conference Mayor Nutter points out these facts; A total of 732 black men have been murdered in Philadelphia in the past three years, Nutter said. There were 285 black men killed in 2007; 239 killed in 2008; and 208 killed in 2009, he said. (statement taken from NBCPhiladelphia.com news) Not only are these black males being killed on the streets of Philadelphia, but by the hands of other black males in a high percentage of these cases. Some people have commented negatively about the mayor calling this a "black genocide", however in a city of barely over a million residents the numbers are rather high. Not to mention that there is said to be a "birth dirth" within the black/African American community. This "birth dirth" means that there is a drop in birth rates among black people which is mentioned by the statistics taken by the National geographic. Many than may be blaming this on agencies like Planned Parenthood, which actually no agency has been known to force any race to abort their unborn children. Many reasons are responsible for the lack of births by blacks, there has been a decline among black teens becoming pregnant, as well as more blacks have been planning better birth control for reasons that they may be financially unable to care for a child. As within other rapidly growing minority communities, there is a lack concern of being financially stable as like in those being taking into account for members of the black race.

The issue of Black genocide isn't just an issue facing the city of Philadelphia but also within cities like Baltimore, Maryland; Brooklyn, New York; Chicago, Illinois; Detroit, Michigan; Los Angeles, California; New Orleans, Louisiana; and Washington, D.C. Is this just an issue that the entire black, African American or African race is set to be plagued with? Genocide is happening all over the world within countries which are inhabited but people of African decent, is this what we are always going to be facing? What's the reasons why Black or African people are unable to get along within their communities, countries and societies? The issue of genocide is wiping out the the black/African races? With the homicides of black men here in America is going to drastically lower the rates of births within the Black community.....what are we to do??

Not to mention the rule of "no snitching" which allows many of those committing serious crime of murder within many of these cities to continue on with their crime sprees. Many of these crimes are committed not only in view of witnesses but many committing these crimes also tell someone of their actions. However many consider those who tell "rats" or "snitches" sad enough black people are teaching their children not to tell on one another as well. Leading to a growing problem with that is being passed down from generation to generation, as well as this trend of killing, disrespecting, robbing and committing other crimes against others in your own race.

Welcome to 2010 my name is FUTURE......

Believe it or not I could barely think ahead when I was a child, even now I barely have the ability to plan years ahead.....blame it on the OCD, the severe depression, or just the fact that life's hard enough living from day to day. A few days ago I awoke to some changes in my life, some grand wonderful changes. I became desperate, I became focused, I became ready to plan for my life ahead. I'm a female 100% despite my wardrobe, my desires or my lifestyle, never felt what it would be like to be a male despite it all UNTIL she said, "I'm pregnant!" I mean sure I wanted this, planned it, talked about it hours on end, love children, want more, desire to build upon my small tribe, however REALity is different than planning........what turns comes out from our plans is what we eventually have to deal with. So here I sit with this news weighing on me like a shit load of bricks, she's pregnant!?! Emotions waled against me from inside as well as out....questions answered and those yet to be asked filled my head. That day I meant someone named FUTURE. Future had no describable height, even though I can say I was looking up at it, the size and shape are also difficult to describe. However it spoke to me clearly; Future said to me "You must come to me whether your ready or not, you do understand this don't you?" I answered "Yes, I know this." Future spoke back rather harshly in tone this time, "Why have you been so reluctant to accept that fact in the past?" The sound of thunder seemed to come out of no where, clear skies, were above my head as a peeked beyond the shoulder of Future. Again Future spoke, "You've been busy looking at my sister to even cast your sites on me." Your...sis-sister?? I found this confusing not knowing who the sister of Future was or even the thought that I had been looking at her. Future pointed behind my back, saying she's always back their her name is Past some give her nick names, but always speak of her often instead of me. You see she's much more popular than I am because many people like to live in her instead of me. Future's tone had softened a bit and I was able to connect with Future, thinking of my sister's but things into perspective. Future said "You're on the right track but I am not jealous of my sister I just wish people would accept me into their lives to make things easier on themselves."

So Future asked me why I had finally started to pay em' any attention, I than spoke of my soon to be arriving baby, and all the preparations I had made for this child, which were all finally right here. Future snapped at me "SEE you've planned half assed and now you're behind the eight ball, a life is coming your way what are you plans beyond this baby?" I looked at Future, jumped to my feet, started to plan that moment that day and have yet to stop......I have admired Past for oh so long but the time has come to an end, for just a few days ago I made a new friend Future's the name...and our fun has just begin!!!

To Be CONT'D..............