Looking in MY mirror. . . . . .

. . . .sometimes I wonder what's life all about. I mean yes we're born many born into misery, abuse, neglect, poverty, fighting, very few with silver spoons and picture perfect homes, mommy and daddy and every ones so damned happy. Many are like myself living in spite of, surviving in spite of. . . . however when does the past fade away and provide the fruits of our struggles? When does the booty come to those victorious to survive the unthinkable? I mean rarely there is a child born to adhere to the fists in the face, the forcing of having to drink alcohol instead of being given medicine for their colds, the stench of having to eat up ones own vomit........when will I be able to say that I've survived and arrived to receive the reward of my long fought battle called childhood? I've learned so many things, I've felt so much pain, but when I look into the mirror all I see is sad eyes, all I feel inside is alone. No one looks into these eyes and sees what I see when I look at them, maybe every now and than I may receive a "are you alright?" easily people become distracted not really caring about my reply, I usually answer that I'm fine, the very few times that I've answered with a "no" the seeker usually stares blankly leaving the words to fall on the ground.

Does anyone really care about anyone else? I mean we just float along in this life passing one another once in a while exchanging niceties, maybe attending each others functions, a birthday party here a wedding shower there, maybe a funeral in between. But when we're looking into our mirrors is it just US that we're concerned with all along? Is it something wrong with people that look into their mirrors and think of others, I mean deeply immensely think of how someone else may be doing, feeling. or living? What is it that one does when their sad eyes are only made happy from knowing that another has smiled today? What is it that lives inside a sad soul? What is it that awakes to a sad life daily? What is it that causes the mind to be so confused sometimes? So much confused that it can't find happy any more, so much that it can't find a positive thing within the everyday living?

Fuck it maybe I just need a new mirror.......I'll try that and see how things work out for me, with time everything must be replaced!!!