Stop the CHASE baby it'll come to you.......

In the past few months I have been there....my feelings have been hurt people I thought were my friends showed their TRUE colors, I have been broke, sad, hungry, scared, lonely, in pain, depressed, lost, found, misunderstood, used, abused, lied to, misrepresented, tested, tried, drained, I mean the list could go on and on. However I am NOT alone others have been going through with their own issues many handle things in different ways. But I watch "HER" and no "HER" isn't code for my recent ex or anything however "HER" is more than one person. It's a few woman that have been or are in my life at this time. I have been watching them chase the NEXT one as if their lives would be lost if they were forced to be single for more than a month or hell in one's case for more than a damn WEEK. I mean track shoes on chasing the next girlfriend, wife, relationship, or in many of their cases the next ex that they can bitch and moan about being such a horrible person.

I mean I understand lonely, I understand single trust me do I understand single she's my friend. What I don't understand in the lack of willingness of individuals to seek out change within themselves. I mean when you break up with someone that you "really" loved and cared for, how can you just simply move right onto the next victim with all the baggage that carried over from all the issues in which you recently dwelt with in that past relationship. I do understand that many people MANY don't even know what the hell the word "love" means and are just recklessly using it on random people hoping, seeking that they aren't ever called out on that bullshit! I mean come on if there were so many people in "love" than there wouldn't be so many people getting in and out of relationships like they get in and out of their underwear.

Bad enough their jumping from relationship to relationship, and not taking care of their core emotional issues, their also creating a situation in their lives that isn't really the best look for them in the long run. For example who wants to date someone that's been through more woman than Tampax? I mean once your been from her to her to her, what's going to happen when you finally find "HER"? Well there's going to be a problem are you really going to tell "HER" about the hundred or so other woman you've told that you loved, or that you've opened your legs to? Not to mention for these Dyke a day chicks, a dyke one day and a dick the next! I mean you're probably going to lie, or lie by omitting the many many many people of your past. I mean who really wants to settle down with the local whore? Who wants to proudly walk around down with the one woman that every ones had on their arm? So maybe you leave out a few woman, however what do you do about those people you've already been through? How do you get them to disappear, or forget that they too have test driven you? I've also been with her, that one that's been with so many people that she left out every single relationship she's ever had only for her closet to open and the bones to start spilling out right in front of me. So not only are you a hoe but a liar too, what a wonderful package, this here is my life living as a single lesbian, every woman I seem to meet, deal with or dwelt with has been going around like the local meals on wheels delivery person giving out a bit here and there, than of course lying by omission.

So as I watch "her" chasing the next ex, I feel like I am NEVER going to be in a relationship ever again, because here I am working so hard on me, every day a change is coming, every day work is being put in every therapy appointment, every step towards bettering myself is a step away from many of the "hers" out there that are still chasing someone. Instead of chasing betterment in their own lives, instead of chasing a change in how they see or experience the world around themselves. So I awaken and bless each day with the newness that is me.....and for now I'll do that all alone just wish I wasn't going through this on my own!!!!

I pick YOU...no not you the one behind you "YES YOU!"

Well for sometime I've wondered if it's really really possible for two woman to love each other and stay together forever. . . . I mean whether it be best friends (lost one of those) or mother daughter (struggling with that one) sister to sister (not sure we're gonna make it) I mean the outcome really doesn't seem very good. I mean I've been in love in my life, love like I can't live without you love, I mean a love like I can't breath because your no longer around type of love. . . . . but "her" ugghh not so much love. I mean things went from I can't function without your love to uummm I never really loved you just was rebounding from my ex type of shit! I mean hey I'd relocate to a place I hate to be with you type of love to a wow I really like men, this "white girl" sounding midget type of fuck you love.....yeah I've been through a lot I mean my poor heart has been through so much and it's weird because once you get through all the bullshit you'll find yourself in the best heart in the world.

So it amazes me that my heart will some day be back in line to be abused by another, left, used, stepped on, mistreated once again by some cold hearted bitch that once wasn't such a bitch until she decided she no longer wanted to be nice to someone she once thought was the nicest person on the face of this earth. I mean what's the deal with this thing called love I mean I've been in "real" love never ending love like I still have respect for you even after you shat on my love, I mean I'd even still be your friend type of love, maybe even come to your rescue type love but what about my poor heart??? I mean why is it that I'm so mature that I can admit my short comings yet your so immature you can't even admit you never even loved me type of love. . . . maybe not love but honesty that comes with maturity or that just comes with being an adult a good person I mean are there any honest people still left out there seeking love or that even know love or that are willing to love I mean like biblical love like 1st Corinthians type love???? Or we all mean just mean and evil woman that lack love that lack the maturity to give good love or honest love never ending just can't let you go type of love? I mean I wanna grow old with you watch you change threw the years I mean be there when no one is there I mean love you in spite of you that kind of love if your capable of this I pick you!! I want you to give my love to I want you to accept my heart because I know that your love will last just as long as my love will last like your love will be that mature love that never falters that never hurts that never hates that never ceases to remember my love. . . . . . . I pick you!!!!

Why do woman date UGLY woman??

Okay I had to write about it I could find few articles that worded things the way I wanted them too when I say Lesbians dating UGLY woman! I mean ugly like this, your face is horrible, your attitude is even uglier, your personality appears to suck ass and you they get smart with the woman in public places or on public social websites. I mean yes yes yes woman are very strong beautiful and unique in their appearances, however if you look like you have special needs and should be wearing a helmet and you actually think your super tough cause you shop in the men's section you really need to be single. I for the love of God will not understand why woman always date an ugly woman and think nothing of it. From the ugly woman that I have meant dating with or an ex to someone I think that the Lord actually made their faces ugly to match their ugly personalities. I mean if your insecure, checking on your lady, rude to her, rude to people that know her, talking like you were actually born a man, abusive in your language than come on you really need to be alone. I've had several exes that have shown me pictures of or introduced me to the former partners and I mean I've seen some ugly ugly woman, I mean from one that seemed to be drooling in a photo, her nose was on the side of her face, she had the fetal alcohol syndrome look on her face, teeth just falling out of her mouth, I mean I looked at my ex and was wondering if she was even fit to live her life without a sponsor or daily living specialist. I mean I would love to show you some photos of some of the woman I am speaking of but out of respect for not truly knowing what their illnesses are because they appear to have many different medical, mental and physical illnesses, I will be polite and not show photos of them. But what can it be that they are seeing in these horribly ugly woman?

I would like to think that maybe just maybe they found that right one however like I said many of them were exes, but the woman also had a history of negative treatment towards their woman as well. I mean openly disrespectful, making rude or negative comments towards them in front of others, cheating, physically abusive, insecure I mean a list of issues that alone should render them single but coupled with the fact that their faces are hideous, why do woman waste their time on them? Are the woman that are with them or were with them insecure about their ability to find someone that not only treats them better but someone that looks better? Or is it that these terribly ugly woman are paid more than there nicer, beautiful counter parts? I mean there has to be some underlying facet that keeps these ugly woman with a woman. I find it interesting that these woman seem to be placing themselves in such a substandard relationship with these woman whom seem not deserve the attention of anyone. I don't even feel like giving this subject any more of my energy in life some people just like fucked up things and people in their lives which is why we had 8 years of George W. as our president people just don't seem to give a shit about the people they lay with............