Fuck Feelings......Secret life of ME!!

You know if you've ever seen the movie the Secret Life of Bees you would know the characters by now pretty well and if you've never seen it what the fuck can I say GO SEE IT!!! Any way Sophie Okonedo plays the sister to Queen Latifah and Alicia Keys who are playing the roles of the Boatwright sisters. They are also known as the woman who make the best honey is this little town. Now Sophie Okonedo plays May Boatwright the very special and very sensitive younger sister. In this film she is known as the emotional sister that cries because she feels the pain of everyone that she comes in contact with or hears has had a sad or tragic incident take place in their lives. The Boatwright sister's June and August created a wall of rocks in which their sister May would go to with tiny slips of paper and write down on them whatever made her sad. Any way for those that were able to see the movie know what happens to May in the film, no I have not been thinking of doing that to myself, but I feel like May each and every day of my life. May Boatwright made me feel like I was watching myself in full right in front of my own eyes. I try so so hard to become some cold hearted person and ignore what I see here and feel all around me, but it doesn't work. I don't want to cry for the children that were born to parents that don't want them, but if I had the money or the home huge enough to house them all I would take them into my home. I don't wanna like people that are in need of a friend, they don't always turn out to be the very best people for me. I don't want to care for the cat that was found ducked taped from head to paw but I did....I don't walk through a cemetery I mourn for those lives that were lost especially when they were very young....I don't want to watch the news and hear about the child beaten to death by her father and step mother. For all these stories I shed tears I feel pain I feel anger and remorse.

I meet people that I may have never been able to meet often, many people seem to take befriending strangers as a game of sorts, however I care when I shouldn't I like when I'm not liked, I love hard, when I am just a temporary object of entertainment for someone just passing the time while at work or on the bus, or in a classroom or board at home. I feel when others are able to use me as a source of laughter, or momentary thrills. For this I say fuck love, fuck it hard and long without any tenderness or care. Fuck love for everyone who's heart flutters when someone enters a room, fuck love for everyone that breaths a deep breath when their phone rings and it's that person, fuck love for everyone that's ran over the cellphone minutes talking for hours on end to someone they swear they'd spend the rest of their life with, fuck love for everyone who's hairs stand on end at the smell of their sweet perfume, fuck love fuck love fuck love fuck love fuck love fuck it and damn it to HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......We got so close yet we're so far away

Okay so it's like this in life we may see someone in passing and think oh there goes a pretty person...all along wondering if they're as pretty inside as they are outside. We may never get to know those answers. However in the modern world we've set up situations for ourselves where we meet random strangers on purpose and end up getting intimately entangled in their deepest thoughts...I mean may it be via 140 characters or less, or a tagline via AIM, yahoo or live. We may have 3 blocks separating us or 3000 miles, but via that PDA, cellphone, handheld, PC or mac they've become as close to us as the skin on the palms of our hands. The words reaching us as fast as sight, their emotions touching us right where we sit....their they are with us, as if their breathing the same air in the same room, looking at the same view and feeling the same temperatures. Their right there. With more ease than it takes to go speak to my neighbor I can speak to someone in a neighboring state. This technology has made communication with anyone at anytime a breeze. But it hasn't made anyone a better person at communication, or at making friends or making relationships. See we seem to think that now since the unemployed freelance writer can become friends with the most powerful CEO of a publishing company via the net. That doesn't mean that the net can change people and make them something their not. We all long for some type of human connection if not myspace, facebook, twitter and many other networks like it wouldn't be so popular. Yet we're all yearning for these connections yet we're not learning how to be a good connector. We meet people from all walks or life, we share our thoughts our feelings and what we are doing, yet we haven't learned to treat one another better. We meet people from all walks or life and everyone has a story to tell, yet we think our story is more tragic or more important than the nexts so we lack compassion. We share our wants, desires and sometimes even pictures or our families. Sometimes through these connections we get a little closer than just words on a screen, or pictures on a monitor, we exchange numbers and converse late into the night. We may than begin to bare even more of ourselves, life stories are painted with more vivid details, feelings are felt more stronger than just some passing momentary glance at a screen. We now begin to place a voice to the face, a government name to replace the catchy fake one, a more intimate time is spent between one another. While I'm walking down the streets of Philly, she strolls through central park, or rides the metro that runs beneath the District of Columbia. Yet we're together in thought or conversation. I can see what she sees and hear what she has just heard, I can be with her while she's miles away neither of us ever feeling alone. I can sit on my toilet in Willow Grove, PA while someone's standing on the shores of a beach in Palm Springs, FL yet I can read what their doing and even see the waters edge. We've become so close yet there's still so much that keeps us so far apart. I lay in my bed and write words for anyone to see, thinking of her and wondering if she's thinking of me.............

Look at 2009 movies Part I

I am going to start with the man of the year I AM NAMING HIM THAT.....Aston "FUCKING" Kutcher, the funny man that made me almost piss myself while watching "Married in Vegas." Aston has been trying to change the shit up by doing some roles that are some what out of character for the young handsome funny man from that 70' show. In the movie "Personal Effects' Aston not only gets laid by one of the hottest woman out there but he turns on the water fountain in this true tear jerker touching film. Ashton plays a grieving brother and Michelle plays the grieving widow, mother of a deaf son and they're just trying to hold it all together. Aston plays a 24 year old swimmer who falls for the much older Michelle as they learn to help one another through their trying times. This is a must see movie pretty good, not very well promoted but I like I like....this one gets a four and a half stars. Some may find it a bit slow but you gotta love a little drama that's not in your life but someone else. Check the damn film out, trust me!!!?

Here he is again Aston Kutcher stars in "Spread" this movie was actually something I watched from being a follower of Aston via Twitter. This was a small independent film and yes there some FUCKING going on so not for children 100% not a family friendly film, however I learned something from this. Aston is continuing to go for this mature, drama, emotional roles and this movie is something else. Mr. Kutcher is a grown ass man and he's standing tall or sitting down with some chick riding his lap all the way. This was like a semi White version of a Tyler Perry film hahaha okay not really really but there was a change in the main character from the beginning of the film. Ashton has many talents, funny man, fantasy football show host and Mr. Kutcher. I like Ashton's role in this film at times I was lost on exactly what I was to learn from this...however in the end it all pulled itself together. Are all people in Cali this superficial? I don't know but I don't wanna find out either. In this sex filled movie Ashton puts to shame the woman of "Sex in the City" and he even changes his life. I give this sleeper hit about 3 and a half stars. A little to much heterosexual sex for my taster but it was a go see it film.

Next up I would like to start with one I had not really planned on going out to see in theaters and that is the Bruce Willis film of 2009 "Surrogates." I imagined here a sleeper, but Bruce always brings it with the action packed films however it's always the same BRUCE WILLIS aka Mr. DIE HARD. I mean you gotta love Bruce he's a cool white dude, down to earth even funny at times. But he has done a lot of the Die Hard like films which to me have seemed to place him into a stereotyped role of the guy that just gets his ass handed to him, yet keeps on coming at you. Bloody and beaten Bruce will be a pain in your ass and a smart guy right until the end when your pushing up daisies and he's getting the hot chick and licking his many fake wounds. This movie is pretty much action packed yet I see a wee bit of a different side of the Bruce'ster I'd like to call him. The dude is a bit of a hard ass, but the comedy is there with his witty quick one liners and come back lines. This is on the science fiction film all the way and Surrogates may even be possible in the near future so watch and learn with some deep shit for your mind. I solid 4 stars, it does have it's "Oh shit I fell asleep for a minute" parts but all in all it is a nice piece for the true scfi lover.

Let's pass quickly over the 2009 BULLSHIT films, I love love love love love me BIG however this film

could have been made within the two or three days after his passing. It was to quickly made, poorly informative and come on the story line was all chopped up and barely told half of the story. The casting pick got Biggie was wonderful, however bad choice on the Puff-ster, I almost hated that pick as much as I can't stand puff dog, puff diddie, puff whitie what ever the hell the over inflated ignorant bastard is calling himself these days. This was a lame film and it made me wanna cry for even watching it. Best part of the film seriously was the end showing the true fans and the ride through the streets with the fans pumping Biggie'

s songs. Rest in peace Big and forgive the poor ignorant bastards that butchered your memory with this head scratching, D rated BULLSHIT!! This film easily gets a 1 star just for the ending alone and the choice of pick for the young man named Jamal Woolard as the Notorious BIG.

This film "Wrong Turn" is truly a wipe my ass with it film, this should have went straight to Fearnet on the Comcast network. Poor, boring, no quality, this is not worth my time this movie was also a bullshit film. This gets 0 stars and is something not even worth your time watching it. Just read a damn book instead, please I'd rather bang my head on a brick wall ,with spikey nails sticking out of it........not worth the tape they even used to record the film. Moving right along........

Okay RHOA coming on this will be continued tomorrow..........stay tuned for part II

Nukin for nove in aww da wong place nukin for nove (Eddie Murphy SNL)

Wow! Okay so why is it that when your in need of something you always seem to find the exact wrong thing and lose focus on what you wanted in the first place? Am I making no sense? Well let me clear things up a bit, let's think about a young basketball player, performs like a pro when he's only a high school student. Not naming any names, but the future is looking truly bright for this young person. However instead of focusing on the game drugs enter the scene, I mean this young athlete was looking for something to take the edge off but instead of getting a new hobby, a new dope head emerges. People are always seeking something, whether it's education, money, love, enlightenment, food or whatever as humans we're always seeking something. But that doesn't mean we end up with exactly what we were looking for.
The lonely person seeking out love or companionship is often the victim of someone's cruel intentions. Someone who also pretends to be looking for the same things love and companionship however their looking to play on the emotions of anyone willing to fall into their trap. Sometimes we all fall a fool from time to time....however when one becomes complacent with receiving mediocrity it's often hard to know when something good is right in front of your face.
Don't overlook something that may be right under your noes. While searching for that missing piece in our lives someone may hold that missing part that you've been looking for. Be slow, be attentive, be thorough, wait on the Lord to bring fourth your next move. Remember your steps are ordered!

Jon & Kate Plus 8 ... or Nobody

Jon & Kate Plus 8 ... or Nobody

Shared via AddThis

In the palm of my hand.....

As you're going about you daily routine ever notice a palm reader sign? I mean their are a few around here and there.....well I decided to google a diagram of the lines on my palms. Do they really mean anything? Or are they just folds in my hand that I got from balling my hands up inside the womb of my mother? It's interesting the different takes people take on things in our every day lives. I mean there are several different religions and beliefs in God or a god. There are so many different thoughts on the different aspects of the way our bodies can be kept healthy & live longer. What power do we as humans really have within us that we don't even use? We're such a mystery and there's so many questions that go unanswered or are often debated without any true outcome. When I search the palms of my hands and see the life line I think is that long or short? There's even a line for the heart but what does that mean? Is that a person's love, or their actual heart? My heart line appears some what short, could that mean I'm always going to be alone? I'd hate to be alone all my life! The questions could go on forever......I've never had my palm read however I did visit a man named John who handed me a deck of cards. John told me to shuffle and he cut the deck in half and began to lay them out onto the table. John told me things that had happened in my life, as well as things that were taking place currently in my life, he ended with things that were going to happen next. I only went to John about two or three times, what he had done had always made me think was this a gift or was I fooled into believing something? I know longer know where John is, he's probably died since than being as though he was very old and sickly an that was over fifteen years ago. Could there actually be people like John, with a gift of seeing into someone's future, past and present without even knowing them? And if this is so would this be a gift or a curse? Hhmm makes me wonder if we could all learn to use that other 90% of our brains what could we do?

Moving On

I have decided that I am sick and tired of the way things have been going in my life. I know many people can touch and agree on that point, but how many people do anything to change it....the question may be is HOW THE HELL DO YOU CHANGE THINGS? Well I can hold my head high, proudly say I have no damned idea what so EVER!! However I am going to try things differently from this day forward. For the past month I have been cleaning my home, no literally cleaning out my apartment. I have taken several bags of trash out of this place I have moved things, thrown out things that I have been holding on to for the longest. I love my apartment and I am so thankful to GOD to have a place of my own, however I live in a very hhmmmm how do I put it, a very ghetto place, where things go unfixed by the landlord, where neighbors drink outside, curse, fight and sell drugs. I feel safe because I stay inside my place, my chid goes outside and away from this complex to go out and play. I would like to move else where, but I realize I have to take care of what I have, be thankful and give thanks often in order to show the Lord that I am ready and deserving of a new home, a safer home and hopefully a larger home. So despite feeling lazy, I have to show some love to the place in which I call home for now. I clean, I sweep, I mop I make sure everything stays pretty much in it's place. As for changing the direction of my life I have decided to go out and get some more education so that I can chose a different live of work. Of course I find nothing wrong with working with children because I do happen to love the little buggers even the ones at the alternative schools in which I always find myself working with. However the pay is piss poor and the people that work with children aren't very far from children themselves. I mean I have come across some just down right stupid people working with children, people with horrible values no morales and little respect for the children that they are supposed to be protecting, teaching and responsible for. I am just sick of seeing the lack of professionalism of people that work within places which should be safe and structured for children, especially children with a background of abuse, neglect and problems. So I am seeking higher training, I seeking more training, I am trying to build on what knowledge I already have to become a better person, employee, mother, teacher, and all around good Christian. I have written out a weekly list, a list of things that I know that I need to do to help make my life better, different and change the direction in which I am heading. I have made a list of important things in which I need to do to start myself out on a good day. I have prayer, water, grooming, exercise, topped off with a daily list of things in which I need to do for that particular day. I sat down tonight and made the list for Monday morning, starting out early with getting my child to the bus stop, than heading to the gym to work out for at least one full hour, in this time I will drink plenty of water, make sure I pray and review my daily activities. Once I have completed those tasks I move on to the next things in which I have placed on my life. I will write the time in which I completed these things as well as a check to make sure that i have done them all.